Welcome to the latest episode of Unlocking Your Greatness with Wendy Bjork. As an international bestselling author, inspirational speaker and founder of heartsofwellness.com, it is my mission to empower women feeling lost in the medical system who want a holistic approach to their life. To feel HOPE: harmony, options, peace and empowerment to help others along the way.
In this exclusive edition, we are discussing why changing others is futile.
“The people who trigger us, or cause us to feel negative emotion are messengers. They are messengers for the unhealed parts of our being.”
- Teal Swan
Why Do We Insist On Changing Others?
While psychologists have been researching close relationships for a long time, it is only within the past 15 years that research on rejection and exclusion has revealed how central acceptance really is to human life. You can see the evidence for this in our living rooms – just take a look at reality shows, and you will see that humans crave acceptance from others. People often believe that they can change other people by influencing them or encouraging them to be a better version of themselves. However, this belief is rarely backed by reality.
It is important to remember that the concerns we have about other people and their reactions are actually our own projections. This is because if you focus on what you think someone else should do or think, you will only get more of that in return. This can cause a vicious cycle that is difficult to break. By becoming aware of this pattern, you can stop the sabotage and begin to grow as a person.
When we worry about other people, it is usually about something that has happened in the past or what will happen in the future. While it can feel good to be in alignment with others, it can put a lot of pressure on us to put so much energy into the things that are happening around us all the time. To help relieve this, it can be helpful to find a way to step outside of criticism, control, even the news for a little while and refocus our attention on what is really going on in our lives right now.
Three Reasons Attempting To Change Others Is Unhealthy
The desire to be aligned with others is a basic human instinct. It’s a survival mechanism that evolved to promote interaction and cooperation in order to help us survive. Whether it’s the feeling of a compliment from a stranger or the validation that comes from being told you are a good person, it feels great to be liked.
1. We are each an individual
If you have an excessive need to have everyone around you think like you, it can become a problem. People who want to be liked a lot may be socially anxious and fear rejection. This can make them avoid conflict, and go out of their way to please others even if it hurts them. The result is that they may feel resentful and unable to form healthy relationships. In addition, they might be sacrificing their own truth and potentiality in the process.
It can be especially hard to let go of worrying about what other people think when it comes to their happiness and well-being. It is a common belief that we have to make everyone happy in order to be successful, but this is not true. Happiness is an internal process and it is only sustainable when we focus on ourselves. By focusing on ourselves, we will be more able to help those around us find their own sense of happiness and peace.
2. We want others to think like us
Another reason to stop trying to control other people is that it makes you less happy and productive. By focusing on your own needs and happiness, you will feel better and be more prepared to tackle the challenges that come your way.
If you are worried that you have a health problem, you should definitely see a doctor. However, if you are worried about something that hasn’t happened yet and is not affecting your physical wellbeing now, it may be an indicator of an unhealthy anxiety habit. This is especially true if you are worried about something that has happened in the past or could potentially happen in the future but is not impacting your life at this moment.
In this case, the best thing to do is to learn relaxation techniques that can help you stay calm and manage your anxiety. Getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and meditating are all effective ways to help you relax. Developing these skills can be even more effective when done in conjunction with a support network or an online group to help keep you accountable and on track.
3. Everyone is on their own Path
The desire to be aligned with others is a basic human instinct. It’s a survival mechanism that evolved to promote interaction and cooperation in order to help us survive. Whether it’s the feeling of a compliment from a stranger or the validation that comes from being told you are a good person, it feels great to be liked.
But if you have an excessive need to have everyone around you to think like you, it can become a problem. People who want to be liked a lot may be socially anxious and fear rejection. This can make them avoid conflict, and go out of their way to please others even if it hurts them. The result is that they may feel resentful and unable to form healthy relationships. In addition, they might be sacrificing their own truth and potentiality in the process.
We want to be in control – however this is not possible. People sometimes think they can change other people because they want them to be a better version of themselves or do things “their way.”
Going forward, creating a sturdy circle of 5. The 5 people you can share your dreams, goals, ideas and they support you. For more guidance on this topic, head to heartsofwellness.com/portal. It’s time to shine and fulfill the purpose you were created for!
Read more about how your surroundings could possibly be Keep You Stuck ~ dailymailusa.com/are-your-surroundings-keeping-you-stuck/ .
To support you on this path, download your copy of the 30-Day Journal + Blueprint Bundle Towards Living Your Best Life at heartsofwellness.com/you. It will support you by taking small steps daily towards a better view of yourself with improved self talk, writing your weekly goals and celebrating your weekly wins. Discovering and living by your personalized playbook are important steps we can create together!
If you feel a self-paced approach with Wendy’s support would be helpful in reaching your goals, you can head over to the Hearts of Wellness Membership Collective and begin your journey back to simplicity, freedom and wholeness!
As a pioneer in advocacy and mentorship, Wendy is leading a global revolution of women walking in purpose and peace as she illumines their path ahead with the light of HOPE: Harmony, Options, Peace & Empowerment.
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